I can't be the only guy this has happened to -
You meet who you immediately feel is the perfect man for you, only to discover he's a great guy who completely detests all the things you've done in your past, but haven't told him about yet.
Specifically - all the times you've had sex with other guys, all the times you've enjoyed going to nudist camps, been to those private outdoor barn parties full of naked men having sex, all those times you've cruised truck stops, rest areas and the c.b. radio.
It happened to me again. I'd been with this guy one time over a year ago and we had a fantastic time. It was the first time I'd been in bed with anyone and they'd actually shown me affection rather than passionate lust. I thought it was cute at the time, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized how good it felt. Before I knew it, I started fantasizing about this guy and I saw myself in a loving, one-man relationship where we came home from work and lived every domesticated gay man's dream. It scared me to have those sort of thoughts, but they felt good. It was difficult to see myself in a relationship because most guys don't approve of the sort of sex life I have, or have had in my past.
A year passed before I spoke to this again. Just last week I saw him online and I said hello. He was back in the states, and as we talked, he confessed he'd really enjoyed himself and wanted to be more than just fuck buddies. (Cue the "hallellujah" choir!) We talked, and we talked some more, and I became aware of his life as a single parent, and his crucial need for privacy and discretion. No problem. I'm more covert than most of our government operations, and I've enjoyed being discreet for almost all of my sex life. I could deal with his top-secret needs. Unfortunately, his needs got bigger.
Being new to this sort of man-to-man lifestyle, he had all sorts of questions about sex, activities, partners, etc. Even though he's a couple of years older than I am, I felt like I was giving my son his talk about the birds and the bees. That's about the time he hit me with a brick. "That all sounds like fun, and I appreciate you being so open-minded about it. But I think I'm just gonna keep you as a fuck buddy and not fuck with anyone else. I don't want to be a whore."
Ouch. Is that what he thought I was? Or is that what he'd think I was if I told him about my sex life before him? Man, what a kick in the nuts! I heard the speech over and over in my head, but the words never left my lips:
By the way, buddy, I've had threesomes, I love to be sexually adventurous, and I run a website that features truckers, chasers, anonymous sex and promiscuity. Do you still love me? That's great! What color curtains should we get for the living room? Will your mom like me? I can cook, and I have great teeth! See?
Shyeah, right. Who am I kidding? So once again I've come to my all-too-familiar fork in the road. Do I try to live my fairytale fantasy dream life and give up all the things I love doing to make this man happy? Or do I live my life with no compromises and hope the right man comes along (again) who won't have a thing about me being (or having been) a "whore"?
The "whore" comment happened about two days ago, and I've been too chicken-shit to answer the phone when he calls. I'm just not sure what to tell him, or where to go from here. I know what the right thing to do is, but it's so hard to turn away what feels like the man of my dreams.
I've been in this situation before, and I ended up moving in with a guy who turned out to be a total psychopathic asshole with a serious "mommy complex" and a self-destructive hate for human life as we know it. So I don't want to go down that path again. I made the wrong decision when I chose to sell my soul for what I quickly realized was a mistake in judgement. To put it lightly, it was very fucked up!
What would you do?
You meet who you immediately feel is the perfect man for you, only to discover he's a great guy who completely detests all the things you've done in your past, but haven't told him about yet.
Specifically - all the times you've had sex with other guys, all the times you've enjoyed going to nudist camps, been to those private outdoor barn parties full of naked men having sex, all those times you've cruised truck stops, rest areas and the c.b. radio.
It happened to me again. I'd been with this guy one time over a year ago and we had a fantastic time. It was the first time I'd been in bed with anyone and they'd actually shown me affection rather than passionate lust. I thought it was cute at the time, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized how good it felt. Before I knew it, I started fantasizing about this guy and I saw myself in a loving, one-man relationship where we came home from work and lived every domesticated gay man's dream. It scared me to have those sort of thoughts, but they felt good. It was difficult to see myself in a relationship because most guys don't approve of the sort of sex life I have, or have had in my past.
A year passed before I spoke to this again. Just last week I saw him online and I said hello. He was back in the states, and as we talked, he confessed he'd really enjoyed himself and wanted to be more than just fuck buddies. (Cue the "hallellujah" choir!) We talked, and we talked some more, and I became aware of his life as a single parent, and his crucial need for privacy and discretion. No problem. I'm more covert than most of our government operations, and I've enjoyed being discreet for almost all of my sex life. I could deal with his top-secret needs. Unfortunately, his needs got bigger.
Being new to this sort of man-to-man lifestyle, he had all sorts of questions about sex, activities, partners, etc. Even though he's a couple of years older than I am, I felt like I was giving my son his talk about the birds and the bees. That's about the time he hit me with a brick. "That all sounds like fun, and I appreciate you being so open-minded about it. But I think I'm just gonna keep you as a fuck buddy and not fuck with anyone else. I don't want to be a whore."
Ouch. Is that what he thought I was? Or is that what he'd think I was if I told him about my sex life before him? Man, what a kick in the nuts! I heard the speech over and over in my head, but the words never left my lips:
By the way, buddy, I've had threesomes, I love to be sexually adventurous, and I run a website that features truckers, chasers, anonymous sex and promiscuity. Do you still love me? That's great! What color curtains should we get for the living room? Will your mom like me? I can cook, and I have great teeth! See?
Shyeah, right. Who am I kidding? So once again I've come to my all-too-familiar fork in the road. Do I try to live my fairytale fantasy dream life and give up all the things I love doing to make this man happy? Or do I live my life with no compromises and hope the right man comes along (again) who won't have a thing about me being (or having been) a "whore"?
The "whore" comment happened about two days ago, and I've been too chicken-shit to answer the phone when he calls. I'm just not sure what to tell him, or where to go from here. I know what the right thing to do is, but it's so hard to turn away what feels like the man of my dreams.
I've been in this situation before, and I ended up moving in with a guy who turned out to be a total psychopathic asshole with a serious "mommy complex" and a self-destructive hate for human life as we know it. So I don't want to go down that path again. I made the wrong decision when I chose to sell my soul for what I quickly realized was a mistake in judgement. To put it lightly, it was very fucked up!
What would you do?
this may not mean much but i belive in a relationship you should go in not expecting this person to change for you
ReplyDeleteand vise versa. unless they are hurting you or them seleves and i know you play safe so there should not be a problem.
i say tell him the truth if it goes good great if it goes south then i wish that you will find a trucker who will love you all of ya'lls days and still let you play with his bud ;)
bb
flamedryad
I agree with flamedryad ... I'm not sure it would be much of a relationship if you went into it not being yourself.
ReplyDeleteAs you said, you've been down that road before. You shouldn't have to lose yourself to be with somebody else.
Best of luck with it bud.
cavbear28
p.s. the site is looking great!
What would I do? I'd realize I'd built up an unreasonable fantasy based on one pleasurable foray with someone of a very different background who's rather inexperienced. And I'd realize that just because he offered me an affectionate night doesn't necessarily mean he's Mr. Right. And I'd answer the phone before he stops calling, realizing that manly affection doesn't come along very often and though he's not perfect, he's still a damn good time.
ReplyDeleteI'll tell you the SAME thing that I told a friend of mine that "fell in love" on a 2 month cruise. He'd met one of the entertainers who was only going to be on the ship for 2 weeks and you'd have thought from his emails that this was his one and only chance at love for the rest of his life.
ReplyDeletePULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF WHERE IT DOESN"T BELONG!!!!
For there to be ANY chance of a relationship working either you are going to have to hope and pray that his attitudes toward sex mature and be prepared to wait that one out OR you are going to have to give up something that you enjoy for someone that you've slept with twice.
Been there - done that myself. Met a guy that lived up in Minn. He seemed like such a great guy. We were flying back and forth (I'm in Texas) and we just seemed to "fit". It was pretty amazing --- or so it seemed. We got onto the topic of sexual pasts and were discussing numbers of partners. When I told him how many people I'd "probably" slept with (God only knows what the number is) he nearly died. I got the same "whore" comment. I knew at that moment that no matter how "right" everything else felt - I was always going to be a whore in his mind. That was the end of that relationship - right fast. His attaitudes were what they were and mine were what they were. No matter how "right" everything else seemed -- it wasn't ever going to work and that was obvious. I am who I am and I won't feel ashamed for my life.
Eventually I'll find someone that is right "for me" and until then, I'll be content with myself and the truckers along the highway - LOL - it may only be an hour here or 30 minutes there but I've met some really nice guys along the way and am glad that our paths crossed - even if only for a brief moment in my life. What is the old saying -- "People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Our job is to be wise enough to understand which they are".
hairysucker gave best advice; been there, I know. Even Frenchman look askance at complete truths.
ReplyDelete